a new year

dear friends and lovers,

i hesitate to update write another update, only because i often feel i have nothing to share--nothing from my body, my experiences, my feelings, but only my thoughts that are self-centered and based on theories, not experiences, but as natalie goldberg said, and i paraphrase, just keep writing anyway. we have been moved into the house for a while, and things are settling sort-of. today we did our first official chores, and you better believe that the bathroom is sparkling. josh and adri brought us home groceries, matt took out the trash before i was awake, mary whipped that kitchen into shape and margienuzz is working her way through the living room. as she said, "i've never really mopped before." i wonder how many firsts we are experiencing without realizing it, and yet its things that have always been present, like mopping, yet that we've never done or experienced that catch us off guard the most. of course most of my generation has been babied and kept in a constant state of adolescence until post college. that, i think, is why post college is sometimes referred to as "the real world." not because work is more real than studying, but because we are very close to reaching the limit of when other people will take care of us and we must fight off the ever collecting dust ourselves--a very scary thought for those of us raised in suburban upper middle class lifestyles. but we give margie enough trouble for being from long island while the 3 boys are all midwest raised and corn fed. so many differences. americans think of ourselves as part of one great state, (or country as it is called sometimes) but it would do us well to remember we are from many states that are haphazardly united, and depending on how one defines nation, we are hard-pressed to fit ourselves into that category also. so our cross-cultural experience in a foreign state-nicaragua-is accompanied by cross cultural experiences with our house mates. east coast, west coast, south... but even these are, in a way, just arbitary groupings in a way for there are individuals in all of those places, working, raising families, supporting troops with yellow stickers or meditating their lives away. my freshman year philosophy teacher had us write a paper on community vs. individual... i think i would disagree with my paper from 4 years ago, but moreso today than ever, i don't know what i think.

i found out that the 8th is my first day of teacher training, but i may not start teaching until the 1st of february which seems pretty far away. my real prayer for myself right now is that the teacher training has me well prepared. sometimes i wonder what i'm doing here, not in the sense that i feel as if i'm in the wrong place, but more like, "how did i convince someone that i could be a teacher?" doubts are a normal part of life right?

since christmas we have been to a bar, a pool, and a volcano... simple living is a breeze. all of us have had some form or another of diarrea... when i was tested i had no parasites, margaret, however, has the eggs that hatch into ringworm, which is a rough one to have if you wanna look it up. if not, a highlight is that if it lives and gets big enough it can move to your lungs and crawl out your mouth. mmmm. but we nipped hers in the bud with some tough pills. some others of us have been experiencing slight constipation, and its hard to say what thats from... i'll be sure to let anyone that wants to know find out when we find out, but its probably best to move to other topics. we've had some bug issues, with a scorpion in the shower and a 3 inch beetle in the bathroom too. along with that, our mosquito population is getting a little out of hand. i think the transition is a little rough for matt and adri who were both used to have 4 older jv's take care of them, and now they are left to guide this mess of a group that we are. they need your prayers more than i do, i promise.

i'm currently reading 4ish books, but i've kind of given up on one for a while. and one of which, a year with thomas merton, i won't start until jan. 1st for practical reasons. blindness, by jose saratoga something or the other, is one of the more disturbing books i've ever read, and the other one, "living buddha, living christ" is a book i once bought for my sister, although i harbor doubts that she ever read it. thich nhat hanh has a simple way of writing that puts a lot a lot of meaning in just a few words, so i sometimes wonder how much i'm absorbing. he encourages me to deepen my realtionship with my own religion so that i can better dialogue with others, that and be aware and present in every moment. when i sit, know that i am sitting. how can we be open to accept others if we are at war within ourselves... cultivate peace. challenges no doubt, for a young american boy, raised to be more active than reflective. still, i keep coming back to the prayer we attribute to st. francis of assissi--the one who ignored many social conventions, and lived a simple lifestyle to the fullest--that said, to understand, rather than be understood. how often do we work harder at getting others to understand us? HERE I AM. here are my beliefs. this is important to me. understand me. preists preach from the pulpit so that we understand their perspective, their interpretation. but we sing and pray the opposite. how much pain and death has misunderstanding at the root of it... how much more willing would one who feels understood be to move towards understanding. yet we're so afraid to think for a moment that we may have false beliefs. that we believe things are good that are really at the root of destruction and hatred. holding on tightly to our thought patterns gives us some kind of certainty and strength... opening up to what others think, trying to truly understand others requires some vulnerability... which is scary. and holy. i'm sure this all relates to my feelings towards those who speak "authoritatively" or those who make claims to any sort of absolute truth... but hey. as a final thought, that crossed my mind as i just layed down to rest my eyes, in heaven, does God rule all, or is God the servant of all. i'm sure some will point out to me that God in all of that glory manages to be both, but i have my doubts.

james

merry navidad

Dear friends and lovers,

I write you today from the living room of the JVI house here in Nicaragua. Rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, Josh’s laptop on my lap, as Josh, Mary, and Margaret still sleep. Matt and Adriana are talking with Matt’s friends, Brooke and Ryan. They came in to visit last night for Christmas. Ryan has Dengue, but he’s getting better and last night he actually ate a significant amount of food. Speaking of food, we cooked an amazing Christmas dinner last night. Green beans, mashed potatoes, roasted chicken (that we bought in advance and just heated up) Mexican rice, more chicken (when we realized that with Brooke, Ryan, and Fr. Joe, our in country coordinator were coming over) that I basted with a little homemade dressing… oil, vinegar, salt, pepper, juice squeezed from an orange, a little sugar, a little vanilla, and it turned out delicious. We also baked some vegetables into that little mix that were fantastic. Fr. Joe brought over Ice Cream and we bought some boxed wine. All in all an amazing Christmas dinner. After dinner we were treated to a lively rendition of “the Night before Christmas,” albeit one day late, by Margaret since it is part of her family’s tradition. The rest of Christmas was also a treat, with the neighbors inviting us over for dinner on Christmas eve where it is a tradition to dine around 10pm and then drink and dance until 5am or so. Christmas day is when one sleeps off the hangover. We Americans wimped out and I was in bed by 2am. Christmas morning I was awake before several of the others, which is unusual since I normally sleep in on Christmas morning to the bane of my sibling’s existence. Christmas is really important in Margaret’s family, and when she came out into the living room she had a face lit up, hugged us all, and told us “he came!” Turns out Santa even visits Managua, and he left us chocolates in the fridge with notes that Margaret helped deliver. We did a gift exchange and were all quite pleasantly surprised by the quality of gifts we got. Everyone seemed thrilled with what they got. I myself both bought and received a candle, which is perfect, since I love candles. Mary and I both think that we got another Christmas gift in the form of a parasite! Yay. So we’ll have to go by the clinic and get our little tummy’s checked out. Parasites aren’t really big deals and are pretty regular when the water isn’t exactly potable. A week before returning to the States Mike had two different parasites at the same time. So even after two years in the country, it seems like a pretty normal occurrence. Yesterday we stumbled across a notebook/journal that had been kept by the first JVI’s in Nicaragua back in 1998… it seemed as if the intention was to keep funny stories, traditions, etc. to pass on to the future years… So while it fell off for a few years there, we think we might try to renew the journal and thus be able to keep memories alive. Although, we aren’t really sorry that we were unable to have the 3^rd –first two being in 98 and 99—throw sugar canes from the back yard to the basketball court competition. Sometimes there are traditions that are okay to let go of. I hope all of your times with your families has been blessed and that you thoroughly enjoy every moment. Peace within you.

james

welcome

hello friends and lovers, and welcome.

i never thought i would do a blog. it seems so trite. but it really allows me to bother you less and allows you to read on your own free time. so here is where i will share, i guess.

after a week of homestays that was uneventful to say the least, we had a huge party. i am not even kidding. it was a going away party for the 4 jv's that we replaced and the 200 plus people they had met and learned to love in the last 2 years. we served tons of food and drink and i went to bed around 11:30... fell asleep around 12:30 or so only to awake to the sound of a mariachi band in our living room. thats right. at around 2 in the morning. so the party didnt end until 4ish or so... and the day after the party myself margaret mary and josh left for león. its a small touristy city where we are learning spanish but we get to do fun stuff too like climb volcanos, watch campesiños make sugar the same way it was made 300 years ago, and swim in the ocean. yesterday there were 15 foot waves crashing onto the beach. the pacific ocean. she was pissed about something, but who could say. so we just kept diving back in and fighting to stay above water. then we sat, read, and relaxed. today we learned how to dance.... more or less, of course. but tonight or tommorow we are going to try out our new skills with each other, i don't think any of us are brave enough yet to dance with any of the locals. one day maybe. this past sunday we went to mass in the main cathedral in leon. its gorgeous and old and spanish and stuff. there were quite a few people there for a 5pm mass on a sunday. right around when the priests homily was getting a little too long for the 92 degree heat a man dressed in near rags comes from the front left. he starts down the aisle with his hands out to the people, imitating a traditional catholic collection. the priest ignores him... most of the people do the same. but a few foolish souls give to the special collection this week. later during the normal collection nearly everyone gives. something about this contrast struck me. the charity of it. how many people give to support a building and a priest but hesitate when a man puts his hand in your face. and if he rose up off the ground, i pondered, and revealed the face of jesus... how many would have tossed their coins his way then. maybe nobody, maybe all of these people are wise enough to realize that jesus didn't come to ask for our donations, but i have my doubts. but then again, when the world needs a revolution, whats 30 cents from my pocket? we may go back to the beach again this saturday. there is nothing like passing time with those you love in beautiful places. i hope you all have a beautful week also.

james