a good evening

dear friends and lovers,
teachers thoughout history have told of how there is absolutely nothing like seeing something click in your student's minds. while this is true, they don't often tell you that there is absolutly nothing like the moment after one of their most frustrating classes leaves and they get to relax for a moment. when my class of 15 to 20 year old's walks out, my whole body feels better. whew. maybe they refuse to learn for whatever reason, but i made it through another day. music. music has a healing power. it pummels one into submission. it exerts a power that drags you outside of yourself and into the realm of the unknowable. those scary places in the depths of one's self where truth blossoms. but normally i just hang on for dear life. and teach english. i've started teaching my level one and level two classes in the afternoon. i can't tell you how enjoyable level two classes were for me. i was able to start and finish the class in almost all english... this is something that i was told was necessary, but in reality, it is just exhausting to try and get people to figure out what i am talking about when sometimes i can just say the word in spanish, and even more exhausting to give the homework in spanish and have them still not understand me... so having a class of students with experience is good. i'm sure they didn't understand everything they said, but they struggled along and it seemed good. i guess we'll see over time. every day i squish onto a yellow school bus with 150 students and teachers. as one of my coworkers commented, every day riding the bus is an adventure. it is true. squished up against students aged 5 to 20. i commented to my co-worker julio today that in the united states it is illegal to have more than maybe 60 or 80 students on a bus. we double that easily though. now this may sound dangerous, and it is, but many modern conveniences are dangerous, even more so when used incorrectly, and that is something we've been doing for a while, sacrificing safety for convenience... i'm not talking about the positive kind of safety sacrificing where one is giving up their safety for the dignity of another human being, i'm thinking more like the giving up the relative safety of walking for a car, because it is faster and takes us further has air conditioning and maybe even a cd player. but its very much an immediate gratification thing. and if we take the short view, say the life span of a human person, average 75 years, instead of taking the longer view... the human persons that will come after us, the human beings that gave us life, and all the humans that struggle for life right now, all around us and around the world, simple things like driving a car are very selfish. i'm not saying global warming is for sure caused by cars, but lets be honest, the exhaust products created by burning fossil fuels is bad for human beings. and whether or not it is a direct link to higher asthma rates, or higher cases of lung cancer, or any other maladies, the fact that it is not good in the long run, but only convenient in the short run, is what makes me so offended by its very existence. just that i am a part of a species that creates things (guns, nukes, planes, cars etc.) that are not respecting the planet or life handed to us and not at all trying to cultivate the lives we are leaving for future people, makes me feel ill that we are so concerned with ourselves, and living the good life, a house on the hill in the burbs, kids in the best schools, and a great looking car. and then some people that live in this way have the audacity to call themselves "liberals" striving for change and betterment of the human situation. at least those whose motto is "get yours now" are honest to their lifestyle. and every day i sidle my way off of that bus of now only 80 or so people to catch a taxi to catch another bus to come home and turn on my gas oven and my lights, take a shower with water pressure and type on this here computer. so what? jenny lewis, the lead singer for the band rilo kiley and recent solo artist, did an album with the watson twins, a small folk duo, recently. on this little gem she puts this line out there, "for the evangelists, the communists, and the lefts and the rights, and the hypocrites the jesuits, and the blacks and the whites." i intentionlly left out a comma in there. i feel as if my life exists in uncertainty. am i a hypocrite? yep. a jesuit? part of the group ideal? yep. so what do we do with our hypocricy? do we live in it? let ourselves experience it? see where it moves us? ignore it? keep doing what we're doing and say for right now its the most we can do? acknowledge that hypocrisy is a sign that we are still connected with our past reality and still striving towards our potential existence? maybe some maybe all maybe none. teaching is a gift that some people are given by a society that (i think maybe) overvalues a certain type of education... an education that rather than empowering and opening, challenging and affirming, we have an education that is more about getting people in line and being able to perform certain pre-decided actions... is math important? of course. is business a good thing? how could it not be? is there value in poetry? only if it can be sold. i'm not sure if i have the gift of teaching or valuing education in the same way. its been a while since i wrote on here, and for that i am sorry. it has been entirely due to business. not just business in the sense that i'm working all the time and have stuff to do (although it has been that some) but also, during my free time i just don't feel like sitting down and typing a bunch. i would rather, honestly, be "busy" hanging out with my housemates, playing guitar or whatever else. so for that, i'm sorry that this form of communication is low on my priorities... but what do you expect from someone who got rid of his cell phone because it took him away from those around him and supported superficial forms of connection. we took a small retreat this past weekend also. it was really good. the beach, the waves, the running, the pain and punishment in the sand (that's for you alex). we all had a good hour or so to talk about our lives, the struggles and blessings that have in some bizarre way brought us all to the same place on the same beach under the same amazing blanket of stars (with several shooting stars!). also i've been trying to write a letter to my friend ellie craft lately, which has taken longer than expected, but i will always try to respond to anything i get (except facebook messages and forwards) for all of you i love you, and i think of you often, even if i have trouble letting you know. i appreciate all the prayers. good evening.
james